Its been a while. for sure, and im not really into the xanga thing much, but i thought i could let some thoughts out.

College life is awesome, but i think so far, it may have been the best experience for me and also the worst experience for me.  It has really showed me who i really am, when im away from my parents, my friends back home, being just away in general, where i make my own decisions.  It scares me sometimes when i think about how much ive changed in only a few months.  Or maybe not changed, but had the chance to let myself out, with no one looking over my shoulder.  Ive already made some big mistakes, but iv'e learned from them.  And Christ is forgiving, and i am so thankful.  The comfort i draw from that is unfathomable.  If only everyone knew.  I struggle alot to act as a christian man would.  Its hard in a place like this.  As the Killers say "Heaven ain't close in a plcae like this", it is tottaly true.  College is all about pleasure from the way i see it.  And that really can corrupt the minds of many people, draw them away from any spirituallity at all.  I myself find that i start thinking like this if im not careful.  There is so much pleasure to be had, but is it really worth it i ask myself? I could drink, and i have, and ive felt the consequences, they werent worth it.  Ive been with a girl, had fun, but it left me feeling empty and seriously messed up our friendship.  Was it worth it? Definately not. 

    I am headstrong, and i seem to have to learn the hard way.  But i think after this year, im starting to see more clearly.  Drinking isnt the way to go.  Relationships in which you dont have the same world view dont work and they only cause problems, and fighting.

After all of this, Things seem like they are becoming easier. Saying no to this worlds pleasures is becoming easier, but its still a fight.  My heart is cold sometimes, and only God can ghange that.

There are alot of important people in my life, and they have shaped me in ways i couldn't have imagined.  Here's a list in no particular order:

My mother. My best friend Mike Knaus all through grade school and high school, and even through the rough times this past summer.  The loving girl i like to call Mallory Hensley, she intorduced the world of women to me and still loved me even after the horrible fish kiss. I'm sorry you had to endure that I'm glad shes still in my life. I never want that part of my life to go away.HUGH in SHOWER!.  Lisa Klingla! Erik Dronen, God, who would i have gone to for help if he wasn't there.  My older brother Andy, and even the lil' bro, Joshua.  My savior, Jesus Christ of course.  My dad and all he does for me.  Render, WUTANG! Justin Ericson (k?), he was a cool kid, Wish i could contact him.  Daniel Higby, OH how i miss those days DAN!  Staying up all night, every night with pizza, soda, movies, and games.  No Girls, no homework, just care free summer nights, what a blast!  Andy Loreman and Adam Shalapin.  We were the top three in grade school, you couldn'tseperate us.  Mr Rogier.  Ive's and his leather shirt.  My great hockey coaches: coach steir, Hags, Mills, i miss u guys.  Dustin Shaefer, man that kid made me laugh.  Ryan Gracia, remember my first night out, that was fun.  Michaela Hofirkova,  Such a sweet girl yet so stubborn, sniffle...sniffle. just playin.  All my new intervarsity friends, how i love them, i can't wait to get to know them even better. DR...DR...DR, oh how i love you DR! Beepa and Mema ( grandpa and grandma). 

There are so many more but i can't keep going forever.  Those people shaped me intto what i am.  Praise be to God that i turned out ok....i think.  Its exciting to not know where life will take me these next four years, so much has already happened.  Let your hand guide me Lord, always.

                                                                         I'm out!

                                                                           HOLLA!

Past two days have been long.  Went to bed at 6 in the morn on tuesday, and 4:30 on wednesday.  Needless today i am a lil tired.  I do it to myself though. Its all good.  Tonight, i need to do homework, but i also just need to chill out and get some rest, play my guitar, you know.....fun stuff.  I could do homework in chem but my TA said it would be a better idea to go have a drink.  Well, I guess i gotta do what my Chem teach says!  I don't feel like partying though, so probably not. 

Last night I got to the undergrad library around 9 and worked on calc until 11:30,  Michaela happened to be there as well, so we met up with Mr. Ryan Gracia and headed to ISR.  Had some chili, yum..... and watched some of the pres debate.  I like it how im one of the few republicans between all my friends here on campus.  I'm going to laugh when George W. wins, and rub it in.  I will then be taken outside and gang raped by all the democrats, that wont be fun.  If he doesn't win..meh, they can rub it in to me.  But i'm confident.

Sent michaela home on the bus and then went back to the undergrad to do chem.  Yay for chem!!  finished that around 2:30.  Then i worked on calc to 3.  Where is everyone at I ask, the party is just starting and everyone is in bed.  How ridiculous!  Then back to Allen, read about 40 pages in my novel and i was finally asleep by 4:30.  Got a solid 4 hours.

Cardinals tonight, thats the main priority!  Holla!!!

Its been a rough past few days.  But it'l get better, i know it will.  God is already working wonders in my life and im thankful.  Its hard letting go of the things in this world you love, but sometimes you have to do it to be obedient to God.  Thats an understatement.  It is freaking ridiculuously hard!  God will work us through this though, and i believe we with both turn out better in the end.

On a lighter note, i think i get to go home this weekend.  I miss the fam and i wanna see them.  I also have quite a bit of stuff to take care of back home (aka new clothes, checking account,......).  I hope it works out, but we'll see.